01 Sep Congruence

Whether we are aware of it or not, the moment we encounter someone, we have scanned and mapped their energy beyond the constraints of time and space. In a split second, we read the pleasant, beautiful, and cheerful aspects of their energy spectrum; at the same time, we register the hidden shadow sides that initially seem invisible to the naked eye.

And yet, it is precisely these shadow sides of our personality that strive the hardest to be noticed. This is your intelligent energy system helping you to release toxic tension from your energy system. On the one hand, your system wants to be freed from this tension to achieve harmony and balance; on the other hand, your energy management will want to keep these dark sides hidden to prevent you from experiencing pain again or feeling lonely. It is the tension created by this inner conflict that is touched and acts as a trigger.

Suppressing shadow sides is what hinders us significantly in our daily lives. Even though others have already scanned our shadow sides, we try with all our might to hide them so as not to be unmasked and dismantled. Meanwhile, everything in the shadow aspects desperately wants to be seen and acknowledged. Ultimately, it is all about the right to exist: is it really allowed to be there? By “really,” I mean that it is fully experienced and can be entirely let go of without needing to change.

This scan we perform of our surroundings acts as a compass. At the core of our existence, we are much richer in our perceptual abilities than what we perceive and interpret with our five senses. For most people, these subtler senses are unconscious and untrained. Nonetheless, they are very much active in our daily lives and help us navigate life. The information we receive in this energy exchange is mainly interpreted by the mind, while the scanning itself takes place in the heart and through the subtle energy body.

These two dimensions create inner conflict within us. When we meet someone who feels sad and alone, we typically ask, “How are you?” We listen to the words, which often say, “I’m doing fine,” while our heart, through scanning, has long noticed that things are not fine at all, and the other person, for example, feels lonely and down.

Recently, I saw a client in my practice who has had a strong ‘pleaser’ as a subpersonality throughout his life. This pleaser has infiltrated nearly all areas of his life, all with the underlying goal of providing him with attention, love, and the right to exist. This pleaser constantly makes him adjust to the expectations, demands, and conditions of others. And even though this transforms him into a person he truly is not, the pleaser still takes care of him. Because without attention and love, life is not possible, even if it is false love. During the session, the client realised that despite the pleaser’s good care, he could never fulfil his authentic needs for genuine attention, connection, and love as long as the pleaser continually communicates an inauthentic image of him to the outside world. Energetically speaking, he was asking the wrong question of his environment. The insight was that only by showing his essential self and vulnerability could he achieve the connection that would recognise and fulfil him.

The tragedy of this dynamic is that our needs are not seen and met because we do not show ourselves as we truly are. If we could and dared to show and speak our vulnerability, we would activate others to contribute to fulfilling our needs and thereby our happiness. To do this, we must be congruent in our energy and communication. Congruence brings your inner and outer landscapes into alignment. What aligns and resonates is the full transmission and communication of what is experienced—the complete spectrum, both conscious and unconscious, without censorship or filter. That is what feels right, connects, and compels us to truly be there for ourselves and each other.