23 Oct Reciprocity

Underlying everything that life is and has to offer us, there lies one great desire, and that is recognition. Is it truly allowed to exist? Ultimately, it comes down to the right to exist. This sincere recognition and granting of the right to exist to all life can only emerge from and be nurtured by one place, and that is your compassionate heart.

For everything that we have not yet illuminated and seen in that light, we must tirelessly scan our inner and outer landscapes for compassionate availability. Is there something or someone who can see me and my shadow parts for what they truly are? Is there space to fully experience them and then let them rest where they are, without the need for anything to change?

This desire to be seen is present in interpersonal relationships on both sides. For the one who suffers in order to be seen in their suffering, and for the one who sees it in the other, to give what can truly alleviate the suffering of the other.

When two people come together, this energetic landscape is mapped out in a split second. In this energetic exchange, we check each other out to get a sense of what is hidden in the shadows that seeks release, and conversely, how much awareness and compassion is available to experience, embrace, and thus set it in motion.

Where we ourselves do not experience the awareness and/or the compassionate space, we unconsciously know that someone else, who does possess this availability, can assist us in relieving the heaviness. This is the boundless beauty of true compassion; it does not matter who feels it and embraces it, because this sincere availability comes from a place of wholeness.

This form of healing, which fundamentally restores unity, comes from our basic goodness to actively contribute to someone else’s well-being. The form of ‘natural giving’ is activated when we see an open and vulnerable person before us who, from their deepest need to truly be seen, calls for our presence.

However, this desire from the asking side is only part of the formula that makes it possible for life energy to flow again. The ‘receiving’ side must be able to answer this call with awareness and compassion, and that state cannot be faked. We are only available where we are not triggered and do not react based on the boundaries of our comfort zone. Strangely enough, the ability to see and accept this natural limitation in our capacity to embrace is exactly what expands our capacity to do so.

This unique encryption determines where people can meet and see each other, or where they withdraw or block each other. This principle applies to all human encounters; from romantic relationships to therapist-client interactions. We can ask or wish for the other to open up and be vulnerable, but if the asking side does not have sufficient awareness of and compassion for what presents itself, it will not happen. It is simply not safe enough, and instead of being able to move forward, the system chooses the false security of the familiar.

In our authentic desire for deep connection, we must therefore not only invite the other, but also do the work within ourselves to send out that sincere invitation, which creates the safe space for the other to step into. This is the reciprocity we seek in one another, and when it is there and the encryption aligns, magic is the inevitable result…